Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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