Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
