i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
