So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
