Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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