I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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