why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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