and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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