and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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