just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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