I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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