in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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