I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
