I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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