i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
