Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So much rum. So many feels.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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