Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
