you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
