awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
