did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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