Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
