I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
