Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
