Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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