So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
