So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
