They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
