just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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