Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
