I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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