She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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