FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
