I'm passing your future prison.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
