im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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