Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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