I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
