sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
