I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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