If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
