I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
