the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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