At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
