it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
