Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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