I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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