oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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