Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
