Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
