so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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