i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
