Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
