I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I touched a dick in church today
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
