we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
