do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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