Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
