Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
