he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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