Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
